Seeing Your Skin
Being a white woman growing up in rural Maine in United States I did not often have to think about the color of my skin. As I grew up I became more aware of racism and xenophobia but was not forced to face issues or questions of racism because of my skin color. I often thought about race and discrimination as other people experienced and did not have to experience it myself. I never had to see my skin, it never felt like an obstacle or an impediment in my life. I realized and understood that others experienced their relationship with others through their skin, that for many they could not ignore their color or could not see themselves without thinking specifically about how others saw them because of their color.
In college I had one experience that helped me to realize my own ignorance, but it was not a situation where I specifically was discriminated against. Since I have come to Nicaragua I have been confronted many times my own color. I am white here in Nicaragua. Everyone knows it, I often walk down the street and people call me chela or gringa, both of which refer to me by the color of my skin. This is very common here, people who are darker skinned Nicaraguans often get called Negro, which means black in Spanish. By contrast lighter Nicaraguans are also called chele or chela. What cannot be denied is that people here associate my skin color with my country. I am not just white, I am also American, and this carries a lot of weight, both negative and positive. A few weeks ago I was at a bar listening friends of mine who were having a concert that night. They finished and we were all going to a different place to dance a bit before we went home. I went out of the bar and there was a group of folks who I didn´t know but who were all going to the same place we were. I started to ask a woman about the possibility of us going with them but she made it very clear that we were not welcome. She said to us that because we were chela we were not able to ride with them that we had to go take a taxi. While this doesn´t seem like a very large insult it felt quite stinging to me, I had never experienced a time when someone told me I couldn´t do something because of the color of my skin.
One thing that this made me realize is that many Nicaraguans have been hurt and are continued to be hurt by the policies of the United States government. During the 1980´s the US supported and gave money to a counter revolutionary force which tried to overthrow the Sandinistas who led a popular revolution and overthrew the Somoza dictatorship in 1979. For many the United States represented a horrible force and that legacy continues still. The Nicaraguan elections are coming up in a week. There are four major candidates and the United States has made it clear who they are supporting. Various senators from the US have come down to meet with the right wing party that they are backing. Just a few days ago one senator came down here and publicly stated that if Daniel Ortega, the leader of the leftist Sandinista party, is elected then the United States may cut off money that is sent in the form of remitances to people in Nicaragua. The US has been making public statements all along warning the people of Nicaragua of the consequences that they might experience if they vote for Daniel Ortega. I have personally been feeling more watched as I walk around lately. I have no doubt that this relates directly to the elections and people being aware of the US intervention here. I have felt more people staring at me, I have felt more cold attitudes than I ever have here in Nicaragua. I realize that they cannot separate me from my country, and perhaps I should not be trying to separate myself from the policies of my government, but I honestly do not agree with the policies that the United States is pushing in Nicaragua and in the rest of the world as well.
While I felt very hurt by the attitude of the woman who told me I could not ride with them I began to understand a bit what my skin color and my nationality represents here. While I know that I am here trying to make a difference and trying to aid people who have next to nothing my skin color is the first thing that people encounter when they see me. I cannot change that. But what I can change and I believe I am trying to change is the perspective that some have of the United States. How do we do this in the face of our government that has so little respect for the opinions of the majority of it´s citizens? Or how do we as citizens try to take charge of what our government is supposedly doing in our name? How many of us know about what the United States is doing in Nicaragua and in the rest of the world? How do we hold them accountable?
In college I had one experience that helped me to realize my own ignorance, but it was not a situation where I specifically was discriminated against. Since I have come to Nicaragua I have been confronted many times my own color. I am white here in Nicaragua. Everyone knows it, I often walk down the street and people call me chela or gringa, both of which refer to me by the color of my skin. This is very common here, people who are darker skinned Nicaraguans often get called Negro, which means black in Spanish. By contrast lighter Nicaraguans are also called chele or chela. What cannot be denied is that people here associate my skin color with my country. I am not just white, I am also American, and this carries a lot of weight, both negative and positive. A few weeks ago I was at a bar listening friends of mine who were having a concert that night. They finished and we were all going to a different place to dance a bit before we went home. I went out of the bar and there was a group of folks who I didn´t know but who were all going to the same place we were. I started to ask a woman about the possibility of us going with them but she made it very clear that we were not welcome. She said to us that because we were chela we were not able to ride with them that we had to go take a taxi. While this doesn´t seem like a very large insult it felt quite stinging to me, I had never experienced a time when someone told me I couldn´t do something because of the color of my skin.
One thing that this made me realize is that many Nicaraguans have been hurt and are continued to be hurt by the policies of the United States government. During the 1980´s the US supported and gave money to a counter revolutionary force which tried to overthrow the Sandinistas who led a popular revolution and overthrew the Somoza dictatorship in 1979. For many the United States represented a horrible force and that legacy continues still. The Nicaraguan elections are coming up in a week. There are four major candidates and the United States has made it clear who they are supporting. Various senators from the US have come down to meet with the right wing party that they are backing. Just a few days ago one senator came down here and publicly stated that if Daniel Ortega, the leader of the leftist Sandinista party, is elected then the United States may cut off money that is sent in the form of remitances to people in Nicaragua. The US has been making public statements all along warning the people of Nicaragua of the consequences that they might experience if they vote for Daniel Ortega. I have personally been feeling more watched as I walk around lately. I have no doubt that this relates directly to the elections and people being aware of the US intervention here. I have felt more people staring at me, I have felt more cold attitudes than I ever have here in Nicaragua. I realize that they cannot separate me from my country, and perhaps I should not be trying to separate myself from the policies of my government, but I honestly do not agree with the policies that the United States is pushing in Nicaragua and in the rest of the world as well.
While I felt very hurt by the attitude of the woman who told me I could not ride with them I began to understand a bit what my skin color and my nationality represents here. While I know that I am here trying to make a difference and trying to aid people who have next to nothing my skin color is the first thing that people encounter when they see me. I cannot change that. But what I can change and I believe I am trying to change is the perspective that some have of the United States. How do we do this in the face of our government that has so little respect for the opinions of the majority of it´s citizens? Or how do we as citizens try to take charge of what our government is supposedly doing in our name? How many of us know about what the United States is doing in Nicaragua and in the rest of the world? How do we hold them accountable?
posted by Emily at 2:26 PM
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